you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
