And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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