he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
