Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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