Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
