he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
