im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
