Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize