Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize