I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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