I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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