She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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