he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
