I'm eating all of the evidence.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
