my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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