what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
is wine microwaveable?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
