we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
