Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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