Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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