the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
