I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
