Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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