I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
