Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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