You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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