You're so nebulous sometimes
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
