i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
