SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
