plz talk dirty to me
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
