I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize