Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
