I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
