she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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