i don't plan on having that self control this summer
no, he came in my armpit
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
