hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
