I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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