im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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