yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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