false alarm. still invincible.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
