there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
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Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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