His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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