what day is it and did you see me today?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
