Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
