I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
