He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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