I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
