you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
