can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
