sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
