You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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