And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
