Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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