I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You need Xanax blowdarts
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
