i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
