Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
