I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
