my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize