The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
