her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
