He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
