New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize