someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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