Im at strip club and am horny
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
