What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I showed him my bush... on skype.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
