are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
