Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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