he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
